100 Ways to Hide Your Stash (Quiltpoem)

He doesn't' have to know everything

A few secrets keep a marriage fresh as spring

I'll have it in, and out of sight in a flash

There are 100 ways to hide your stash.

Fill up the cupboard, hide the evidence

Pile it in the pantry spare no expense

Keep it with the kids' clothes, lay it with the wine

Keep it all together where the sun don't shine!

Put it in a Safeway bag, bring it in with the groceries

Call it "Christmas presents - and don't you peek!"

You're "keeping it for a friend" who's gone to Calgary

She'll be back soon - no there's none for me!

Don't tell him what you owe the store

He might start looking in the dryer or the drawer

It's an affliction breeding secrecy

These quilty pleasures that won't let me be

Pack it in the wardrobe, under the chair

Stack it with the linen, with the silverware

Cram it in the cellar, under the stair

With the winter clothes, with the underwear.

A woman stored hers in the ceiling overhead

For years it stayed there, overtop the bed

Her husband never ever heard a sound

Until the day it brought the ceiling down

He's got golfing and his auto parts

You've got fabric

He's got cigarettes and butter tarts

You've got fabric!

Pad it in a pillow, buy a bass violin

Cram it in a corner, tuck it in a tin

Turn off your freezer, fill up your bin

Unplug the oven, you can fit it all in

Buy a few quarters, while you're at the store

Get a little extra - more more more

Slip it in the mattress, hide it under the floor

No more room in here: buy the house next door!
Author: Cathy Miller